TheAndrew.net

I would have never figured myself to be high maintaince, but this week I feel like I sure have been.  I bother Emily a lot with text messages and e-mails (so far 1 e-mail and 2 texts today) to try and make myself feel better.

I know it must put a burden on her to have to hear me complaining or being sad so often.  As I drove to school today I was thinking about how I feel like I need to get into a different mood to be able to make it through the school day.  Almost like I have a school life and a personal life.  It might not make much sense, as I try to show my personal life through my classes as much as I can, but at the same time I feel that my school life ovverruns my personal life…as in I have none other than leaning on Emily to help me get through every day.
As I write this, I have tears streaming down my face.  Mostly because I don’t know what I’d do without Em and I don’t know how long I can handle being a teacher.  I love working with kids, but it’s soooo much working coming up with things for them to do…and I spend too much time trying to find the perfect thing for them to do in each class.  BUT I CAN’T STOP.  I don’t know how to tell myself it’s ok if something stinks or not to care if students complain because they are tired of doing worksheets.

And I don’t know who to talk to other than Emily.  I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can talk to here at school about those types of feelings.

Today was a day that really made me wonder how long I can do this job.
It’s just that there is always so much going on, especially now that I’ve got cross country program to run and 2 graduate courses to work on.

I hope this feeling goes away and this is the right profession for me, as I think there us a lot I can offer these kids, but I don’t know right now.

I just got through the second day of school in my second year of teaching.  Like last year, I only get a break every other day, and I still hate it.  However, things will be a little more calm, and I stress the word little, as I have some good (and some not all that good) lessons I can use from last year.
At the same time, I’m coaching a fall sport for the first time and taking 2 graduate courses.  This means I’m at school until at least 5pm every day with XC practice and I’ve got to figure out how to manage my time so that I can complete graduate assignments and keep track of the classes I’m teaching, including 1 1/2 new classes.

I took the cross country job to make a little bit more money and right now I’m wondering if it was worth the extra time you have to put in as a head coach of a sport.  It’s very early, so we’ll see how I feel towards the end of the XC season.

Only time will tell what will happen.